Why You Might Feel Worse Before You Feel Better
When you’re grieving the loss of a beloved pet, you may carry a quiet hope inside:
If I can just get through these first days, maybe it will start to hurt less.
But just when you think you’re starting to cope, a wave of grief can suddenly knock you down. Maybe it’s the sound of their name, an empty spot on the couch, or a memory that hits out of nowhere. The pain feels sharper, the tears heavier, and you may wonder:
Am I going backwards? Am I doing this wrong?
Here’s the truth: You are not going backwards. And you are not grieving “wrong.” This painful cycle - where you sometimes feel worse before you feel better - is one of the most natural parts of healing after pet loss.
Grief After Pet Loss Is Not Linear
Many people imagine grief as a straight climb up a staircase - each day a little easier than the last. But grief isn’t like that. Instead, it moves in waves.
Some days, the tide feels calm. Other days, it crashes in with force, pulling you under when you least expect it. This ebb and flow is especially strong when grieving a pet, because animals are part of our everyday lives.
Their absence isn’t felt only once. It’s felt in dozens of small, daily ways - every morning, every meal, every evening routine. That layered connection means grief resurfaces again and again as you encounter reminders of what has changed.
Why You Might Feel Worse Before You Feel Better
If your grief feels sharper at times, you’re not alone. There are real reasons why this happens:
1. Your body is letting you feel more
In the earliest days, shock protects you from the full weight of the loss. Later, as you regain strength, your body allows you to feel deeper layers of grief. It’s not a setback - it’s your heart saying, You’re mind and body are ready to hold more of this.
2. Memories are coming back in detail
At first, everything may feel foggy. But over time, you start remembering more vividly - their paw steps on the floor, the warmth of their body curled next to you, their unique quirks. These sharper memories can make the loss feel brand new all over again.
3. Everyday life highlights their absence
The firsts are especially painful: the first day you see their bowl sitting empty, the first walk without them, the first holiday. These moments stir grief in new ways.
4. Activators are everywhere
It could be another pet’s bark, a favourite toy left behind, or a quiet evening that feels too empty. Grief can rise suddenly when something touches the space they once filled.
5. Grief is cyclical
Instead of a straight line, grief circles back. Just when you think you’ve “moved on” from one layer, it comes around again. That’s not failure, it’s simply how healing unfolds.
Why This Isn’t a Setback
It’s easy to believe that feeling worse means you’ve undone your healing. But grief doesn’t work like that.
Think of it as tending to a wound. At first, you clean only the surface, but to truly heal, you have to reach the deeper layers. It stings more, it feels raw — but it’s what allows your body to recover fully.
Grief is the same. Feeling worse is often your heart processing more deeply. It’s not regression - it’s progress.
What to Expect During Grief
It may help to know what’s normal in this process. Many people notice:
Waves of emotion - intense sadness followed by moments of calm
“Grief bursts” - sudden tears activated by reminders
Physical symptoms - fatigue, heaviness, even body aches
Brain fog - difficulty concentrating or remembering things
Shifting intensity - grief softens, then resurfaces again later
Knowing this can remind you: what you’re feeling isn’t wrong. These and many other things are normal parts of grief. It’s the natural rhythm of loss.
How to Cope When It Gets Worse
When the waves rise again, here are gentle ways to care for yourself:
1. Allow your emotions space
Don’t hold it in. Cry if you need to. Speak your pet’s name. Write them a letter. Expressing the grief is part of healing.
2. Reconnect with their love
Look at photos, share stories, or light a candle in their honour. Remembering them with love helps balance the pain with gratitude.
3. Be gentle with your energy
Grief is exhausting. Allow yourself extra rest. Eat something nourishing. Give yourself permission to do less. Survival itself is enough some days.
4. Create comforting rituals
Plant a tree in their memory, wear a keepsake, or set aside a weekly moment to honour them. Rituals provide both structure and comfort.
5. Ground yourself in the present
When grief feels overwhelming, plant your feet on the ground, take slow breaths, or hold an item that reminds you of them. Grounding practices can keep you from being swept away.
6. Seek support
Whether it’s a trusted friend, a pet loss support group, or grief coaching, you deserve a safe space to talk about your loss without judgment.
Why Grief Feels Like Going Backwards
When grief resurfaces, it can feel like you’ve lost all progress. But what’s really happening is this: grief is circling back to tend to a new part of your heart.
You’re not starting over - you’re spiralling forward. Each cycle helps you carry your pet’s memory with more strength, more peace, and more love.
Love and Grief Are Intertwined
The depth of your grief is a mirror of the depth of your love. You’re not grieving because you’re weak. You’re grieving because you loved with your whole heart - and love like that leaves a forever mark.
Over time, grief softens. Love remains. And one day, the love will sit more steadily in your heart than the pain.
One Day, You’ll Notice
One day, you’ll realize you went a whole afternoon without tears.
One day, you’ll laugh at a memory before the ache arrives.
One day, you’ll feel your love for them more strongly than the pain of their absence.
The waves will still come, but they won’t knock you down as often. Instead, they’ll remind you of the bond you still carry - the bond that can never be broken.
A Gentle Closing
So if you feel worse before you feel better, please remember: you’re not broken, and you’re not doing grief wrong. This is how healing unfolds.
It means your heart is bravely processing what it needs to. It means you’re loving your pet as deeply as they deserve. And it means that, slowly, painfully, beautifully — you are healing.
Because grief is love’s way of holding on. And what remains, always, is love.
💖 Need a Compassionate Place to Talk About Your Grief?
At Paw and Soul, I offer one-on-one pet loss grief support to help you navigate this tender journey with care, patience, and understanding.
You don’t have to do this alone.
