Why You Might Feel Worse Before You Feel Better

Aug 19

When you’re grieving the loss of your pet, there’s this quiet hope in the back of your mind:
If I just give it some time, maybe it will start to hurt less.

But then, out of nowhere, a wave crashes in. Maybe it’s a song, a smell, a glimpse of their favourite spot on the couch — and suddenly, you feel worse.
The ache feels sharper. The tears come harder. You might even wonder:
Am I going backwards? Am I doing this wrong?

I want to tell you something important:
You’re not going backwards.
And you’re not doing it wrong.

Grief isn’t a straight line

Grief after pet loss is more like the tide than a staircase. It comes in and out, sometimes gently, sometimes with the force of a storm.
When you first lose your pet, the pain is almost constant — but over time, you may notice moments of relief. That’s progress.
But healing doesn’t mean you’ll never have another hard day. In fact, sometimes the pain can spike just when you thought you were finding your footing.

Why the pain can feel stronger again

There are a few reasons this happens:

Your heart is ready to process more – In the earliest days, your body and mind protect you from feeling the full weight of the loss all at once. Later, as you have a bit more strength, deeper layers of grief can surface.
Memories are becoming clearer – In the fog of early grief, everything can feel numb. As the fog lifts, the details — their purr, their warm weight next to you, their silly quirks — can become more vivid, which can make the loss feel fresh again.
Life events stir the ache – Anniversaries, seasons changing, or simply a quiet evening on the couch can open up the space where their presence used to be.

It’s not a setback — it’s part of the work

Feeling worse for a while doesn’t mean you’ve lost progress. It means you’re doing the work of grief — allowing yourself to feel what’s true, instead of pushing it down.
It’s like cleaning out a deep wound: it stings more in the moment, but it’s how healing happens.

What you can do when the waves rise again

Give yourself permission to feel – Cry if you need to. Hold their photo. Speak their name out loud.

Reconnect with their love – Look through happy memories, light a candle for them, or tell a story about them to someone who understands.
Be gentle with yourself – Healing takes energy. Rest. Eat something nourishing. Let a few things slide for now.
Find support – Whether it’s a trusted friend, a therapist, or a space like my pet loss grief coaching, you deserve a safe place to share.

One day, you’ll notice…

The waves still come, but they don’t knock you under as often.
The love you carry for your pet will remain — but over time, it will sit alongside your grief in a way that feels softer, steadier, more like a warm memory than an open wound.

So if you feel worse before you feel better, please know: you’re not broken, and you’re not failing.
You’re simply loving them as deeply as they deserve — and love like that is never simple, but it’s always worth it.