How to Handle Well-Meaning but Hurtful Comments About Your Loss
The Double Pain of Grief
Losing a pet is already one of the hardest experiences we can go through. Your world feels quieter, emptier, and sometimes unbearably heavy. On top of that, you may find yourself dealing with comments from others that don’t help — and sometimes, they even hurt.
Often, people truly believe they’re offering comfort. But instead, their words can land like a punch to the heart.
You may have heard:
“At least it was just a dog/cat.”
“You can always get another one.”
“It was their time.”
“Aren’t you over it yet?”
Even when spoken gently, these phrases can feel like your grief is being dismissed. And in the middle of heartbreak, that dismissal can cut deep.
Why These Words Hurt
For someone who hasn’t experienced the soul-deep connection between human and animal, it can be difficult to comprehend why the loss of a pet is so shattering. Society often minimizes animal grief, treating it as “less than” the grief we’re expected to feel when a human dies.
But here’s the truth: your grief is real because your love was real.
Your pet was part of your family. They shared your daily routines, comforted you on difficult days, celebrated milestones with you, and gave you unconditional love. When someone suggests “you can just get another pet,” it can feel like they’re reducing your companion to something replaceable — when in reality, no soul can be replaced.
Giving Yourself Permission to Feel Hurt
When someone says something painful, you might feel guilty for being upset. After all, you may know they didn’t mean to hurt you. But here’s something important: intention does not erase impact.
If their words hurt, you have every right to acknowledge that. Grief makes us vulnerable, and when you’re carrying the weight of loss, your heart is tender. Feeling misunderstood is painful on its own, and it can deepen the ache you’re already living with.
Remind yourself: it’s not an overreaction to feel hurt. It’s simply part of being human in the middle of grief.
Choosing How to Respond
One of the biggest challenges is figuring out what to do in the moment. Do you respond? Do you stay quiet? Do you walk away? There isn’t one “right” answer — the right choice is whatever best protects your heart in that moment.
Here are some approaches you might try:
1. The Gentle Redirect
Sometimes, you don’t have the energy for a long explanation. A simple redirect can both acknowledge the comment and set a boundary.
“I know you mean well, but what I need most right now is someone to just listen.”
This lets the other person know that their intention is appreciated, while guiding them toward what’s actually supportive.
2. The Honest Truth
If you feel safe enough, you might want to share the reality of your grief.
“They were family to me, so this is a very deep loss.”
This can open the door for a deeper conversation and help others understand that this is not “just a pet loss,” but a loss of a beloved family member.
3. The Boundaries Approach
Sometimes, the healthiest thing is to simply disengage.
“I’m not ready to talk about it right now.”
This gives you space to step away from the conversation without having to explain or justify yourself.
4. The Educational Moment
There may be times when you feel ready to gently educate others.
“I know it might be hard to understand, but animals can be just as important as people in our lives. The bond I had with them was very real, and so is the grief.”
This is not your responsibility, but it can be healing to use your voice if you feel called to do so.
Surround Yourself with Understanding
When you’re grieving, it matters deeply who you choose to spend time with. If certain people continue to minimize your loss, it’s okay to step back and lean more heavily on those who “get it.”
Your support circle might include:
Friends who have also lost beloved pets.
Supportive family members who honour your grief.
Online coaching dedicated to pet loss support.
Pet loss grief groups or counselling.
It’s not about shutting others out — it’s about recognizing that in the tender places of grief, you deserve to be surrounded by people who honour your love and your loss.
What to Remind Yourself in Difficult Moments
When someone says something hurtful, it can stir up feelings of anger, loneliness, or even self-doubt. You may find yourself wondering if you’re grieving “too much” or “for too long.”
Please hear this: there is no timeline, and there is no “too much.”
Your grief is yours alone. The way you carry it, express it, and move through it will be unique — just like the love you shared with your pet.
Here are gentle reminders to hold onto when well-meaning words hurt:
Their misunderstanding does not make my grief less real.
I don’t need to justify my love for my pet to anyone.
It’s okay to step away from conversations that don’t feel supportive.
My healing will happen in its own time and way.
Practising Self-Compassion
Grief can leave you exhausted, physically and emotionally. Being on the receiving end of dismissive or painful comments can add another layer to that exhaustion.
Make space to care for yourself afterwards. That might look like:
Journaling about what was said and how it made you feel.
Talking with someone who truly understands.
Taking a quiet walk, lighting a candle, or holding a keepsake of your pet.
Giving yourself permission to cry, rest, or simply sit in silence.
Self-compassion means reminding yourself that you are doing the best you can, and that your love is worthy of being honoured — no matter what anyone else says
A Gentle Reframe
Sometimes, it can help to remember that people’s words often come from their own limitations, not from a lack of care for you.
They may not have experienced the kind of bond you had.
They may be uncomfortable with grief in general.
They may be grasping for something to say, afraid of silence.
This doesn’t excuse the hurt, but it can ease the sting to know their comment reflects more about them than it does about you or your love.
Finding Healing in Shared Stories
If you’ve been on the receiving end of these hurtful words, you know how isolating it can feel. But you’re not alone. So many grieving pet parents have experienced the exact same phrases, the same dismissive comments, the same ache of being misunderstood.
Sometimes, sharing your story — even if only in a safe circle of others who “get it” — can be profoundly healing. When you hear someone else say, “Yes, I’ve been told that too, and it hurt so much,” you realize your pain is valid, your grief is valid, and your love is recognized.
Closing Thoughts
Well-meaning but hurtful comments are one of the hidden challenges of pet loss grief. They remind us how far society still has to go in understanding the depth of the human-animal bond.
But please know this: you don’t need anyone else’s validation to honour your grief.
Your love was unique. Your relationship was one of a kind. And your healing is unfolding in a way that is right for you.
So the next time someone’s words land painfully, remember — their misunderstanding cannot diminish your love. What remains is love. Always.
💖 Need a Compassionate Place to Talk About Your Grief?
At Paw and Soul, I offer one-on-one pet loss grief support to help you navigate this tender journey with care, patience, and understanding.
